Friday, September 10, 2010

A Battle of Epic Proportions (Maybe)

So, I'm just innocently sitting on my bed, netbook in my laptop, chatting with my BFF and my fiance on Gmail. (I like Gmail. My theme is High Score. Gmail's awesome. It kinda sucks on iGoogle though. It just...looks....weird.)
Anyway, I am just innocently chatting and watching Red vs. Blue on Youtube, when I hear a freaking loud buzzing sound on the other side of my room.

So I look over, and I see a junebug flying around.

Umm, yeah. GROSS.
And what the hell is it doing here?? It's September. NOT JUNE. GO AWAY UNTIL NEXT JUNE, BASTARD.
I am fully aware that junebugs do not bite, sting, or physically hurt you in any way. But they are freaking gross. They're huge, round, have creepy little BUG FEET, and you can't squish them.
Okay, technically you CAN, but it's pretty much the most disturbing thing ever. It's more disturbing than


So, every time I see a junebug pretty much, I will scream. In a very shrill and girly manner. If one is just sitting on the ground, on a wall, or on my fiance's shoulder, I can keep the scream down to a strangled squeal. But if it flies....Hell no, dude. I am going to scream BLOODY MURDER.
And I did.
We have eight cats. They love when bugs get in the house. One of MY cats, Bambi Sue, will usually relentlessly hunt bugs until they are dead. This is one reason I love her. So I wake her up from a very sound sleep and try to show her the bug.

Nope. Too sleepy. Bambi Sue stares blankly at Junebug, then goes RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP.


So Junebug flies behind the curtains and is silent for a while. I nervously resume chatting until I absolutely cannot take it anymore.
Junebug is just lying in wait...he probably would have stayed there until I turned out the lights and went to bed, then he'd creeep out and come crawling across my foot like his sick, twisted brothers before him.

So I tell my chatbuddies to excuse me for a moment and go out in search of my protector, friend, and stalker-buddy...Bunny.

Fearsome, isn't he?
So I fetch him, and show him Junebug. Bunny is ecstatic. He just KNOWS that if he kills this horrible monster for me, he will win my favor, and I will leave Fiance and come back to him.
Bunny delightedly picks Junebug up, and gives Junebug a stern lecture. When Bunny talks, he seriously sounds like Beaker from the Muppets. He's all like, "Meep! Meemeemeep! MEEP!"

I'm sure it got the point across to Junebug that molesting Bunny's lover was NOT COOL.
After much horrific torture from which I will spare you the details, (Though I WILL tell you that basically anytime Junebug was flying or in Bunny's mouth- I SCREAMED.) Junebug was no more.

Dear God, Thank you for cats. They're awesome. Now really, what good are Junebugs? Please reconsider them. Amen.

After bringing in the groceries, the cats discovered ANOTHER junebug. This one didn't last as long as the first, as this time, Bunny gathered all his kitty comrades to aid him in his conquest.
They were successful. :D

I'm still wondering though...where did these junebugs come from?
Why are they here?
And most importantly....are there MORE??

I don't think I'll sleep much tonight.
But that's normal, so it's okay.

Note to Bunny: I love that you kill bug for me and all that, but I quite frankly, I think that chest hair is weird, so I think I'll be sticking with Evan. Plus, you get excited when I take a shower and try to jump all over me and sometimes rip little holes in the shower curtain. That's weird, too. As far as I know, Evan probably will never do this. I hope we can still be friends.


  1. Re: junebugs, I feel the same way about cockroaches. Which reminds me of my friend, uber macho, who acts like a little girt whenever a flying cockroach enters their apartment. So funny.

    I am Fickle Cattle.

  2. Nice ta meetcha, Fickle Cattle! *shakes your hand*

    Macho dudes afraid of cockroaches. That is ridiculously awesome.
    But then, FLYING cockroaches are beings to be feared indeed. Those are the very worst kind.

  3. The good side is, that junebugs have a life cycle of only a year, so you might be tormented for a few months or 2.


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