Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I Am Here to Have Teeth Taken Out of My Face

That is what I told the guy when he asked what I was at the oral surgeon's office for. I don't know why he asked that. I'm pretty sure he already knew, since he had the fun stickers and blood pressure cuff and scary scary IV thing ready.
I guess he was making conversation. He got better at it as time went on, asking about my hair and husband and stuff.

I figure since I literally just had the whole wisdom teeth extraction thang done (WEEEEEEEEEEEE) I can tell you all about it, and perhaps reading this will make you, random stranger, less terrified than I was. Yay for less terror!

So first off, you get the consultation where they take x-rays and feel your mouth, and show you your teeth. In my case, I was awesome, and only had 3 wisdom teeth (So I am slightly less wise than I might be, but I also have one less stupid lower socket to deal with). They were all in good position to come out, and it was delightfully routine. I made the appointment to have the teeth evicted, and then I freaked out for a week.

By surgery day, I was mostly done freaking out, and just wanted to git 'er dun. I wore my Batman shirt, because The Goddamn Batman is not afraid of needles or surgeons or anything like that. I woke up waaay before I had to, took my giant ibuprofen, my incredibly blue antibiotic, brushed my teeth so no one would judge me, and rinsed with the horrible horrible mouth rinse.
We left early, but ended up arriving half an hour late because Austin. I had called ahead though, so it was okay.

So I get into the lil' room, and there's scary objects in there. We chatted a bit, and the doctor's helper dude/bro/whatever sticks heart monitor stickers on me. I warn him that the heart beat's gonna be fast and scary, 'cause he's scary. He starts me on the nitrous oxide (AWW YISSSS), and actual doctor dude comes in tells me to breath and such. Nitrous oxide is good stuff. Makes you say weird things, like, "I'm mostly conscious still, right?" "My voice sounds really looowwww right now, dude. Duuuude." "This stuff is the shiiiyat" and, "FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH." (That one was when they asked what kind of music I liked. They played Remember Everything for me!
 After a while I got to a point where I was pretty sure I was asleep. Or dead. Or floating in a magical spinny chair in outer space. As I said, nitrous oxide is good stuff.
I did have a minor freak out where I could only hear every other word the doctors were saying, but they told me it's supposed to be like that, you'll be okay, breathe, you don't need to fidget to make sure you're still alive. Once they got me calmed down again, they got the IV in. I barely felt it at all, so that was awesome (The IV was the scariest part of this whole thing for me.). They told me to do the breathing thing again, which I kept my eyes open for, so they'd know when I was out (I'm sure that's not at all necessary, but whatever, I was REALLY HIGH.). The last thing I remember was saying I kinda wanted to look at the IV stuck in my arm to see how scary it was, and the doctor giving me a look like "lolwut". I have no idea if I looked or not, because next thing I knew I was in a somewhat dark room (No idea how I got in there) with Evan on one side and the doctor on the other. They were talking to each other, but Evan says they talked to me as well. I told them I couldn't feel my face, "But oh wait, my nose is here!" I also apparently told Evan that he had two noses, but it was okay because I loved him anyway. I may have also called him Alvin.

I don't remember the walk to the car, or most of the ride home. I do remember having double vision, and telling Evan about how those two guys were four guys. The double vision seemed to only work on people, and the double was always much smaller than the original, and kind of hovering, so the tiny double's head was at the same level of the original.
We got home. I vaguely remember hanging on to Evan to get into the house, and flopping onto the bed where it was comfy. He wanted me to eat yogurt, but I wanted to nap. So I napped, and then ate yogurt (Eating and drinking are hella weird with gauze in your mouth). There are gauze changes occasionally, which are fine. Switching out blood soaked things for non blood soaked things is something girls are pretty good at. :P

Now I take many many pills, and eat delicious peach yogurt, and randomly doze off when I least expect it.

Apologies for typos or general weirdness.
I'm still kinda loopy.


  1. i don't take dares but i'll make an exception for you Slinky Kitty.

  2. This... This was the funniest thing I've read since I read this last. Never fails to make me smile.


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