Friday, January 07, 2011

Today I Opened My Mathbook

This. This is what I saw.
All those words. All those numbers. All those variables. All those lines that are sort of like those division diving-boards.*
Why? Why would you start a lesson like THIS? Okay, they didn't START it like this. The first page was about ellipses. Something about string and pencils. Whatever it was, I mostly forgot it after I saw this.
I stared at it. I turned off my music (I Wish I Had an Angel, by Nightwish. For the record, I like both Tarja and Annette. I refuse to take a side in the matter). I stared at it some more. I tried to read over it, but I wasn't particularly successful. I literally spent ten minutes just looking at this page and trying to focus enough to figure out what they were trying to say. I eventually just turned the page to see what lay beyond.
Not this.
Thank God.
It was examples for the problems that would be coming in the lesson. The examples were perfectly comprehensible.  I didn't see anything that looked like that terrible mass of numbers on the previous page.
I'm still not entirely sure what that wall of text was supposed to mean.
It did make me realize how tired and sore I actually am today. It was the first week back at dance after three weeks off (Two week Christmas vacation. One week sick) so my legs hurt. I guess I slept wrong last night, because now my neck hurts.
When your neck hurts, be very careful drying your hair. Do not forget your neck hurts, and do that puppy-dog head shake from force of habit. JUST DON'T.

I closed my math book. I know I'll be able to comprehend what I'm supposed to do.
But I think that profusion of numbers and variables kind of made me lose the will to live.
In fact, I didn't realize until I saw this mass of math that some fairly sucky things happened this week.
Monday I was randomly mood swingy and felt like crap, so I had to go have a good cry and then I felt better (You ladies know how THAT is. Maybe some of you dudes do too. But probably not. That would just be kinda weird. Sorry dudes.)
Tuesday does not belong here in the pessimistic blah section. I don't mind going to the orthodontist. They're all fun to talk to. And I get my braces off in February. :D
Wednesday was the first day back at dance. I was really happy, don't get me wrong. I just did a lot of turns and went full-out a bit too much, and kinda blacked out a little in the back room. I also sorta fell against the refrigerator. But I didn't tell anybody that part. They might tell me to sit down and be careful or something. And I felt better later anyway.
Thursday was good too. :D

So not that many sucky things. But such an abundance of arithmetic really makes you think, "Oh jeez. Who? Why? What was WRONG with them? And now I have to learn this. I have to know this. Whyyyyy do I have to know this? This sucks. Huh. All that other stuff this week sucked too. I should be depressed.....Nope, I suck at being depressed. I CAN'T EVEN BE DEPRESSED RIGHT, OH MY GOSH. I'm too happy to be depressed. But I'm thinking of depressing things. I CAN'T EVEN BE AN OPTIMIST RIGHT, OH MY GOSH."

And then you take a picture of your math. And you close the book. And you blog about it.
And then you realize there is one thing you are wonderfully good at.
If procrastination was an Olympic sport, you'd take the gold......eventually.

* I totally forgot I stuck one of these star-thingies (Yes, I KNOW it's an asterisk. Star-thingie is more fun.) next to the division-diving-board thing. I thought I'd explain. You know how in division (Without a calculator. ON PAPER. Ooooooooooh.) you're putting little numbers onto top of that line? They're like, lining up to jump off the diving board. SEE? And then it's really fun if there's a remainder, because the remainder is going to come up behind them all, and push one, creating a lovely domino-effect.
This is possibly why math takes me so long. I'm busy thinking up things like THIS.

ADD? Meeee? ADHD? Of course not.
Well....maybe. But that's everybody else's excuse
I can make up my own excuses.
I don't sleep, I should be depressed, and my neck hurts. I could never concentrate on PRECALCULUS in such a state.
Never ever.

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